Phone Bill
This piece of foolishness is a follow-up to the post: Gregory
It's been two weeks now since I found out that my rock's name was not Gregory, but Willis. To be honest, I don't think he really looks like a "Willis". In my mind, Willis is a name for someone who could play in a DieHard movie.
And although Willis would certainly induce a great deal of pain if he was hurled suddenly at someone's head, he is neither photogenic nor athletic enough to star in an action-thriller movie.
Ever since I found out his name is really Willis, I've been careful to stop calling him Gregory. The change has been extraordinary. Now my rock is eager to chat - in fact, I would say he's downright talkative.
"Hey Willis, have you got my phone bill?" I asked him yesterday.
After a pause he said, "Hey, what's this phone call to East Timbuctu?"
"Just visiting with my cousin Ethel."
"For forty-five minutes? Do you have any idea how much that phone call cost?" He sounded a bit aggrieved.
"So?"
"So, I'm also sitting on your 2007 budget figures, and I guarantee we don't have money enough to be throwing around like that."
I glared at him. He seemed impervious to my stare. "We?" I demanded.
He didn't shrug, but I'm sure if rocks had the ability to shrug, he would have. "I live here too, you know," he said.
"I don't see you doing much to increase our net worth," I replied. "You want to start talking about our money, I suggest you get a job."
"I already have a job."
"Really? What are you? A brain surgeon?"
Sarcasm is lost on rocks - even intelligent ones like Willis.
"No, stupid. I'm a paperweight."
I hadn't exactly thought about it like that. I suppose, technically, he was working for me.
"You know the book of Leviticus, in the Bible, says not to withhold your neighbor's wages," he continued piously.
Leave it to Willis to bring in the heavy guns. The book of Leviticus. Considering carefully my options, I realized there was only one solution to my unfortunate dilemma.
I'm going back to calling him Gregory.
This post was written in 10 minutes.
It's been two weeks now since I found out that my rock's name was not Gregory, but Willis. To be honest, I don't think he really looks like a "Willis". In my mind, Willis is a name for someone who could play in a DieHard movie.
And although Willis would certainly induce a great deal of pain if he was hurled suddenly at someone's head, he is neither photogenic nor athletic enough to star in an action-thriller movie.
Ever since I found out his name is really Willis, I've been careful to stop calling him Gregory. The change has been extraordinary. Now my rock is eager to chat - in fact, I would say he's downright talkative.
"Hey Willis, have you got my phone bill?" I asked him yesterday.
After a pause he said, "Hey, what's this phone call to East Timbuctu?"
"Just visiting with my cousin Ethel."
"For forty-five minutes? Do you have any idea how much that phone call cost?" He sounded a bit aggrieved.
"So?"
"So, I'm also sitting on your 2007 budget figures, and I guarantee we don't have money enough to be throwing around like that."
I glared at him. He seemed impervious to my stare. "We?" I demanded.
He didn't shrug, but I'm sure if rocks had the ability to shrug, he would have. "I live here too, you know," he said.
"I don't see you doing much to increase our net worth," I replied. "You want to start talking about our money, I suggest you get a job."
"I already have a job."
"Really? What are you? A brain surgeon?"
Sarcasm is lost on rocks - even intelligent ones like Willis.
"No, stupid. I'm a paperweight."
I hadn't exactly thought about it like that. I suppose, technically, he was working for me.
"You know the book of Leviticus, in the Bible, says not to withhold your neighbor's wages," he continued piously.
Leave it to Willis to bring in the heavy guns. The book of Leviticus. Considering carefully my options, I realized there was only one solution to my unfortunate dilemma.
I'm going back to calling him Gregory.
This post was written in 10 minutes.
Labels: my pet rock
8 Comments:
That's great! It thought that you said no follow ups tho....
no, you can do follow-ups - it's just that you can't do them back to back. If you do serial writing, you've got to have at least two off-topic posts between each serial item. :)
Ahh. That's a bit clearer. Thanks.
I actually like this one better than "Gregory".
And hey Fred, didn't you read the rules when you signed up for this?
;-)
Sort of, I didn't have time to read it in depth, and then I didn't feel like digging them up :-P.
Call it laziness if you like....
So you make your poor uncle explain it all to you even though he explained it once already. *shakes head* I just don't know...
;-)
"So you make your poor uncle explain it all to you even though he explained it once already"
You know, that is exactly what I was thinking.
His laziness wastes my time. :P
Yuh. That's what I specialize in. Wasting other peoples time. Never thought of it that way tho, I'm usually to busy wasting their time to think about it...
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