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Jackson's Valentines Day Cake Recipe
Some of you may not remember (or have ever met) Jackson, the spanish speaking capuchin monkey. He lived with us several years ago, until Doug gave him away to another ventriloquist. I'd post a picture of Jackson, but the truth is, as funny as Jackson was, he wasn't very photogenic, and we never got any good pictures of him.Anyway, one year Doug's church had a cake baking contest on Valentine's Day. The men of the church were supposed to bake cakes with a Valentine's Day theme, and they would be judged by some of the ladies in the church.
Doug was taking some pressure to enter the competition, so he decided instead to get Jackson to enter.
If you remember Jackson, you know this was a big mistake...Jackson was always talking about "liverwurst and onions on banana bread", "tuna fish cake", and other doubtful delicacies. So when Doug mentioned the words "cake", "bake", and "contest" in one sentence, Jackson went wild with excitement. Below you can find the recipe Jackson used to create what he calls "La Torta Capuchin Valentine" (The Capuchin's Valentine Cake)
After you read the recipe, I'll tell you how Jackson fared in the contest.
La Torta Capuchin ValentineHola!Over de years I been asked mucho if I really know how to cook de foods I talk about. I tink dis cake speak for itself. For peoples dat want to know recipe for Jackson's Valentine Torta, here it is, in entirety. Ingredients
Preheat de oven 350 degrees. If cooking at high altitude, do de same ting - it come out chewier but just as good! Put de grease and flour in bottom of cake pan. Combine all de ingredients in bowl and stir real good and fast. Is lumpy? Dat okay, because tuna fish usually lumpy! Can't do anyting about it. Put ingredients in pan, den put pan in oven. Kids: de mama or de papa can do dis if you not want to burn yourself. Doug, he put cake in oven for me. Den you got to wait about forty-five minute. De cake good enough to eat now, but because is Valentine's Day, we do de special Valentine's Day frosting! Valentine Frosting
Whip up all de ingredients real good. Spread it on de cake. IMPORTANT NOTE: normal red foodcolor not good for you - make de kids all hyper. So instead use de muy delicioso Tabasco sauce. Just for de color. Hope you like! Jackson Capuchin |
Well, Jackson was excited the night of the contest. He was so sure he was going to win.
The rest of us weren't so confident.
The most entertaining part of the contest was when Rob decided to take a little tiny bit of cake from each entry, so his plate was stacked high with cake. Jackson's cake was at the very bottom. Poor Rob was standing there talking to Doug when all of a sudden he caught a very strong whiff of something that smelled bizarrely like tuna fish and garlic-sesame oil.
Doug tried very hard not to laugh, but in the end, he couldn't help it. Rob threw out his whole plate of cake and started over. This time he avoided the capuchin cake!
For Jackson, the highlight of the evening (since he didn't win!) was when he found out that T.J. actually liked his cake. In fact, T.J. kept going back for more, until Doug told him to stop before he made himself sick!
When it was all over, Doug spent about three days trying to get the smell of tuna fish and garlic-sesame stir fry oil out of the house!
Needless to say, we never let Jackson in the kitchen again after that!
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